When part of you wants the goal — and another part keeps getting in the way
You start.
You feel motivated.
Things begin moving.
And then something happens.
You stop.
You avoid.
You overthink.
You lose momentum.
You create a reason to wait.
And afterwards, you wonder:
“Why do I keep doing this to myself?”
You might recognise yourself in this
- Starting but not finishing
- Repeatedly abandoning goals
- Returning to familiar habits
- Negative self-talk
- Creating reasons to delay
- Losing momentum when things start going well
- Fear of failure
- Fear of success
- Staying in familiar situations despite wanting change
- Repeating mistakes you promised yourself you wouldn't repeat
Is it really self-sabotage?
The phrase “self-sabotage” can make it sound as though you are deliberately working against yourself.
Often, the reality is more complicated.
A behaviour that looks self-defeating may have served a protective purpose at some point.
Avoiding the opportunity protects you from rejection.
Not finishing protects you from being judged.
Staying small protects you from visibility.
Giving up first protects you from the possibility of failing later.
The behaviour may no longer be helping you — but your mind may still associate it with safety.
The question worth asking
Instead of:
“Why do I keep ruining things?”
try:
“What does this behaviour protect me from?”
That question can change the conversation completely.
How RTT may fit into the picture
RTT can be used to explore the beliefs, emotional associations and learned patterns connected to behaviours you want to change.
The intention is not to blame yourself for the pattern.
It is to understand it.
Because when you understand what a behaviour has been trying to accomplish, you can begin looking for healthier ways to meet that underlying need.
You are not necessarily fighting yourself.
You may be trying to protect yourself with an old strategy.
And old strategies can be understood, questioned and changed.